christmas eve

It doesn't really feel like it...
Does it?

maybe it's just how fast the time has gone by...
maybe it's just that I am getting older...
maybe it's because I lost a big piece of my heart.

I am trying to hold me head up high for the boys...
Make them happy...
They remind me that erich is dead.
Aidan tells me that he is.. but we can pick him up from heaven tomorrow.

i would give myself if he could live.

I am ignoring that fact that he is gone...
pushing it aside so that I can heal.

I think about him often.. It hurts so badly.
I am so in love with him. Nothing can change that.
I know that what I say now you are thinking... hmm that will change with time.

But no.....
I want to see erich again.. He is my only only.. I don't want anyone else..