You ever watch those depression commercials where the people are grey looking out the window?
I never thought that it was possible to feel that down. Well I learned it was the other day.
When I woke up I couldn't get off the couch. I knew I had to. I wanted to... I just couldn't.
It was as if something was stopping. I was hurting so badly.
My shrink asked if I have had days where I couldn't get out of bed I told her no. It's happening now. God I can't believe it. I am scared it might happen again.
This is the emptiest I have ever been.
Losing the love of my life tragically like I did. It doesn't make sense. I keep my tears from falling. I try so hard to be strong for everyone.
My support system is slowly dwindling. The friends I had are not calling anymore. Not messaging. I am nothing now. The drama.... the excitement.. The attention is over..
The time I need them the most they are all busy with theirs lives.. Laughing, being with their families... I wish I could heal like them.
I want to wake up in the morning and say today is going to be okay...
I am okay...
I'm not okay... not at all.. I am lost.. and the friends I once had are gone.
I'm afraid that things won't get better.
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4 comments:
Aw damn, Christa. We should game together somtime. I know we'd have a lot of fun. Im also here with an open ear..its just..I felt that since we didnt know each other that well before, what right did I have to try and intrude now? Perhaps we could become friends though. Can never have enough of those. H3 with me sometime, dammit.
Jen (PMS Insaneeeee)
God Christa I'm sorry. I hope that you don't think I've moved on and forgotten about you. I just feel like I don't know what to say or do anymore. I'm still a mess just as you are, and I feel like all I do is make you cry, and I hate that. You don't need someone else to make you cry.
I'll call you every single day if that's what you want...just tell me. All you have to do is tell me, and I'll do it. I'm sorry.
courtney
Sometimes people think they are doing more harm than good, that they are making you cry or feel.
But, (according to a well respected authority on the subject) you are supposed to let yourself cry as often as needed. Let yourself ask to be held. Then let yourself be held, but choose the person you ask wisely. It is better to cry in someone else's presence than to do so alone when you are in deep pain or sorrow. Because you need a witness to your pain, someone to testify to the validity of your feelings, to acknowledge them, and to say yes to the good work you are doing in expressing them.
Miss you...
I will always be here for you. No matter what. You can call me anytime or day or night even at 3am. If you need me I am here and have been here from the very start. You are the only sister I have and I am not going to let this get the best of you. You are strong but you only need to be strong for yourself and your children. Don't worry about everyone else we can pick ourselves up. It is okay to cry, to feel weak, to not want to get out of bed one day every now and then. I would feel the same if I were in your shoes. I admire your strength, courage, and love. It keeps me going and a hint of light that you will be able to carry on to a better and brighter future. I am always here for you!
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